Of Banjos, Bards, and Billy Bumblers

Breakfast at the Drunken Wyvern

The party wakes after a long rest. Fresh food is being served downstairs, and the inn has returned to normal after the Susie incident. Mruno asks whether the food smells better now, then realizes that someone is actually present in the inn.

Grenak Goateater stumbles downstairs and demands wine, bacon, and eggs. Grenak describes the order as a standard, protein-packed New York breakfast. Grenak's entrance nearly catapults Roland Blackstone off the bench because both men are sitting at opposite ends.

Roland introduces himself as a roughly forty-five-year-old human ranger. He is tired, private, armed with a short bow and short sword, and driven by one primary goal. His exhausted expression and refusal to be impressed by Grenak establish his personality immediately.

Grenak demands that Roland pass the salt and pepper. Roland does so with deliberate roughness. Reese sits nearby and watches the social collision. Valen Silverpalm comes downstairs nursing a hangover, searches for coffee, and asks for a Bloody Mary.

The local Bloody Mary contains pickle juice and a strip of bacon. Valen considers this uncivilized. Grenak admits that the combination sounds effective.

Grenak then publicly tells Roland about Reese's dead wife. Reese objects but also joins the breakfast conversation. Roland asks what brought the party to town and whether they are there to see Silken Sonic.

Mruno broods and Carly arrives

Mruno Bars leaves breakfast to brood on stage with his lute. Carly Beltweek, a highly enthusiastic waitress and Silken Sonic fan, recognizes him and becomes intensely excited.

Grenak attempts to manage Carly's attention, but Carly's enthusiasm overwhelms the room. She asks Mruno to sing and behaves as though she has just met a famous performer. Grenak uses Carly's relationship with the bartender Barley Reddin to obtain drinks and pressure the tavern into helping the group.

Marina Beltweek arrives and is introduced as Carly's older sister. Marina is more practical, skeptical, and business-minded. She is not immediately impressed by Mruno's self-promotion and asks what the party actually wants.

The one-night band

Mruno proposes forming a band for the empty stage. Marina explains that she may be willing to lend her fiddle if the group proves it can perform. Reese says he can play fiddle, and Marina agrees to let him use her instrument if the band earns the opportunity.

The party assigns instruments:

Mruno Bars: lute and vocals.

Reese: fiddle.

Valen Silverpalm: jug.

Grenak Goateater: drums.

Roland Blackstone: warhorn.

Marina Beltweek: banjo once the group demonstrates that it can perform.

Mruno proposes a deal with Marina: if the band fills the tavern, she will go on a date with him. Marina initially says the tavern holds approximately eighty-five people, then admits the practical capacity is closer to sixty. The deal becomes: fill the sixty-person house and Marina will go out with Mruno.

The rehearsal begins chaotically. Grenak attempts to drum with his fists and performs poorly. Mruno finds a large spoon and gives it to Grenak. Grenak's drumming improves immediately once the spoon replaces his fists.

Valen warms up on the jug and produces a passable contribution. Roland tries a damaged warhorn, chokes, and coughs. Mruno investigates and discovers a live mouse lodged inside. Roland removes it, feeds it to Billy Bumbler, and finds that the warhorn works much better on the second attempt.

Reese plays the fiddle well enough to demonstrate that Marina's instrument will work for the band. Marina decides that the group does not need a formal rehearsal and agrees to play banjo with them that night.

Carly reacts to the rehearsal with such overwhelming enthusiasm that she nearly or actually passes out. Marina, after hearing the performance, agrees that the group may be good enough to fill the stage.

Naming the band

The party cycles through terrible possible names, including Rigid Tongue Kiss and other improvised suggestions. Mruno eventually proposes The Punch Drunk Loves. The name survives the group's criticism and becomes the band's working name for the night.

The rival booking

Roland notices a sign for Silken Sonic featuring Dark Bronson at the Drunken Wyvern. The sign initially appears to place the performance on a later date, but the party realizes the rival act is actually scheduled for that night and is ahead of the expected schedule.

The poster identifies the Mythical Golden Minotaur Grand Guild as the sponsor. Mruno recognizes that the guild's involvement means Silken Sonic and Dark Bronson will be present and that the competition is no longer hypothetical.

Mruno admits that he owes the guild a large amount of money, describing it as more than his weight in gold. Roland's Insight suggests that Mruno is understating the debt. The party decides to continue with the show anyway.

Roland's demon target

Roland explains that he is not in town merely for music. He is hunting Towerheart, a powerful subordinate of Asmodeus known for having a very large head and large horns.

Grenak becomes intensely interested. Roland promises that if the party survives the night's complications, they can hunt Towerheart together and bring Grenak the demon's head. Grenak's enthusiasm increases immediately.

Promotion and posters

The party creates handbills and posters for The Punch Drunk Loves. Valen, Reese, and Mruno produce strong promotional work. Roland's looks as though Billy Bumbler made it with crayons—or like a raccoon trying to have sex with a trash can.

The party takes the posters into town. Mruno advertises the one-night show loudly and insults the absent rival act. The promotion attracts nostalgic middle-aged fans who remember Mruno Bars and respond enthusiastically to his name.

The party also encounters people who think Mruno Bars is the same as Bruno Mars. The confusion generates additional attention and draws more potential audience members toward the Drunken Wyvern.

The golden airship

While walking back toward the tavern, the party sees a bright gold-scaled airship in the sky. It is extremely wealthy-looking and unlike ordinary local transport. The ship dips beyond the horizon before the party can identify its origin or purpose.

The party never learns who owns the golden airship or where it is going.

Mruno's disguise and Granke

Before the show, Mruno prepares a disguise so that he can perform without immediately being recognized by Silken Sonic's people or the Golden Minotaur Guild. The disguise is convincing enough to fool most of the group.

Grenak cannot initially accept that the disguised person is Mruno. Mruno reminds Grenak that something can be real even if it does not look correct. Grenak only recognizes Mruno after he makes the dead-wife joke associated with their group history.

Mruno gives Grenak a large, luxurious fake mustache. Grenak is delighted by the mustache and decides it should be kept in inventory. Grenak adopts an exaggerated alternate identity, eventually settling on “Granke,” a supposed French cousin or disguised version of Grenak.

Granke feels exceptionally attractive as the party prepares for the rival performance at the Drunken Wyvern.